100TWC - Day 99: Friendship

This post has a lot of tags. It started off with more but I blew Blogger's limit. I didn't even know there was a limit! See, friendship touches so many areas of my life that Blogger can't cope. I'm half expecting it to seize up in the middle of this post. Let's see how we get on...

With the last post of my 100-day (aka 100-theme) writing challenge in sight, friendship has been much on my mind. I've had some really nice comments and feedback on here, but what's been even better, and more surprising, is the feedback I've had in real life. Whenever I've met up with friends at least one of them has commented on each occasion how much they've been enjoying the writing. I've been enjoying it too, of course, in fact that's one of the things I'll be including in the "lessons learned" follow-up post I'll be writing over the weekend. But it's one thing to gain enjoyment from something yourself, and totally another thing to find out that you've been giving enjoyment to others. Writing can be a solitary experience (all writers say this, at least those who speak/write/email to me) with -- often -- not much in the way of validation or appreciation, so it's really cool to hear the opinions of readers, which posts they liked best and why, etc.

I'd also be really interested to hear which ones folk thought didn't work out so well. To see how this matches my own feelings, for one thing, but also because it's all part of the learning experience. Just doing this stuff has helped me improve enormously, but really good feedback that mentions the bad as well as the good, is also a huge help.

I appear to have drifted off topic somewhat, so to drag it back to friendship: I've been lucky. When I talk about the times we have with mates -- the trips to the Lakes, weekends away, meals out (and in) -- the single most common response is how unusual it is for a bunch of guys to have kept a communal friendship going for so long. I'm not sure how rare it is in the great scheme of things, but those who comment on it seem to think it's pretty rare. Much more common for women to have a "girly group of friends"; less so for guys to have a "blokey group", apparently.

I've known for many years that social groups depend on key individuals to hold them together. I had an old colleagues network at one time -- around two dozen people who all used to work together in the same part of the organisation until one dark day a reorganisation came along and scattered us all across the company. Some left for other jobs, some took the opportunity for early retirement, most split up into three or four units, separated by geography, department and skill set. For several years after the split, we would get together two or three times a year (Christmas, obviously, and then one or two other meals or social events like bowling, walking, pub crawls). These were all marvellous events, well attended and very popular, but they all had a single individual -- the same guy in every case -- as the instigator. And then one day he stopped doing it. And none of us have ever met up again since that day.

The small group of friends I always refer to as my "Nottingham" mates (even though only two of them live there now) have strength in depth when it comes to organising get-togethers. It's not driven by just one of us. Once a few weeks, or a months, have gone by since our last meet, one or other of us will get in touch to set something else up. Often we don't need to do this, as we arrange it in advance at the previous one. It's a source of infinite variety, pleasure, amusement and fun to Nikki and I to be able to be part of this, as I'm sure anyone who is lucky enough to have their own strong ties of friendship will understand. Friends, they say, are the family you choose, and I would tag that with "lines I wish I'd written" if there was any space left in the tag list :0)

As I've discovered (and blogged about before), friends come at you from all parts of life, and another group that I've been blessed to reconnect with -- a few years back now -- has been the curry crew. We may only meet once a month, but I find myself looking forward to those evenings immensely. The conversation always flows, it's always stimulating and amusing, and the food is only the icing on the cake (if curry can be said to be any kind of icing).

I have a small number of friends that fall into another different category. All of the aforementioned might be classed as "regular" friends, and if such a term fits then this small number I'm talking about now might correspondingly be referred to as "irregular" friends. People who, over the years, have meandered in and out of my life seemingly at random, but who whenever we meet will pick up the threads of friendship (and even conversation!) and knit them back into something recognisable within a few hours. I met one such person outside a hotel once, a few years back. Having not seen him for more than five years, suddenly there he was, leaving a hotel at which I had arrived to meet someone else. We only had chance for twenty minutes frantic catching up and exchanging of current contact details, but it rekindled some long-buried memories and the spark of yet another friendship stretching back to the mid 1970s. We originally met at university and the names of other uni friends crop up regularly in the strangest places. Naturally the Internet is the perfect medium for this and over the years I've had the occasional email from old friends who've read this blog, or seen my profile on LinkedIn, or Friends Reunited, or found my website through Google.

There is a downside to this though. The reality of how easy it is to lose touch with people was brought home to me when I attended a school reunion about 15 years ago. It was such a strange experience I vowed never to attend one again (although I was tempted a couple of years back when they held a 25th -- or was it 30th? -- reunion). Not only the experience -- spending 3 or 4 hours in a function room with 50 people who at one time I saw on a daily basis but who, with one exception, I hadn't seen for 15 years -- but the aftermath. The impact of the realisation that I had completely lost touch with all of them, even those I'd thought of as close friends, really hit me surprisingly hard. I guess it just shows that friends are more than simply people you spend time with. Just as it's easy to be lonely in a crowded room, rubbing shoulders with a bunch of people every day for six years doesn't necessarily make them your friends. It knocked me for six a bit, did that.

R&R

Never have I been more ready to spend 7 days in the Lake District with our mates than this year. Two significant deaths in the family, two months off work with stress, three months major upheaval with kitchen fittings, an emergency trip to Canada. Exhausted doesn't even begin to describe it.

But a week spent looking at scenery like this...

...enjoying the company of good friends, excellent meals cooked in turn by each of us, or taken in the delightful ambience of local hostelries (of which The Strands Hotel in Nether Wasdale deserves special mention), taking the occasional stroll around a lake, or on a beach, was enough to scrub away the gloom and lift the spirits. It's been two years since we last did this, and we all agreed it will not be the last time. Hall Flat Farm is "our place", almost ideally suited to four couples relaxing together or separately and one in which we've created many special memories.

There but for the grace of God...

The first funeral was held yesterday for one of the victims of the Cumbrian shootings. It was attended by one of Nikki's colleagues and took place in the sleepy Lake District town of Gosforth.

Some news items swim past, barely touching the surface of our consciousness. So many horrors in the world, so regularly delivered to our living rooms, if we gave them all full heart we'd be constantly ragged with emotion, enraged at our inability to help, railing ineffectually at the perpetrators (if human) or the universe (if natural).

This story though, has a special and chilling significance for us. It is only five weeks since I stood outside the local general store in Gosforth, not 100 yards from where that young man was randomly gunned down. Had we taken our holiday five weeks later, or had Bird gone on his mad spree five weeks earlier, we could so easily have been involved. As eye witnesses, or as victims.

Twice in that idyllic week we spent in the Lakes I drove alone to the shop first thing in the morning for breakfast supplies. And on at least two other occasions, we both attended the store. In uncountable ways, life is a matter of timing, and had our timing been off in this respect, I might never have returned to the cottage, leaving Nikki wondering where on Earth I'd got to, or we both might not have come back from the Lakes.

In nearby Seascale, where another two murders were committed, we spent a couple of hours walking on the beach, picking up pebbles, breathing the sea air, enjoying the view and exchanging polite "Good mornings" with the few other people on the beach. The thought that one of those we encountered could have been carrying a gun with intent to use it on whomever he met, still sends involuntary shivers through me.

The natural desire for retribution, or at the very least for an explanation, is so often thwarted in cases like this after the gunman turns his weapon on himself at the last. Those directly involved are left without an outlet for their anger or grief, staring down their own barrel: a lifetime of anguish and loss. And for the rest of us, for a time, the stark realisation that these terrible incidents can happen anywhere, at any time, without either meaning or warning, is enough to account for some restless dreams.

Someone's idea of hell

...is another's heaven.

We're spending a week in the Lakes this week. Same place we stayed last time (and the time before) only it's just us this time so we've rented the cottage rather than the entire farmhouse.

Whenever we come away with mates we do tag along on the walks. The less physically demanding ones at least. All of them have been great fun, wonderful views, sights you wouldn't see unless you were walking, and we always get back from a walk feeling glad that we've done it. But left to our own devices we're considerably less energised. Yesterday afternoon we went for a walk on the beach at Seascale, but that'll be the one and only walk of the week and it doesn't really qualify as "a walk" - there and back again and no longer than an hour.

Still, this was never intended to be a walking holiday. It's a chance to get away from work, the computers and pretty much the rest of the world, and please ourselves. To spend hours over coffee at the start of each day, just reading a book. Which is something we always struggle to find time for in "normal life." And then, since this is the final week of the World Snooker Championship, to spend most of the rest of the day watching the BBC's excellent coverage.

Like I said, we know that would be the very definition of hell for a lot of people. But we're loving every minute of it.

Chocolate heaven since... er... 1657

One of the unique, clever and impeccably thoughtful gifts I received from Nikki last Christmas (her gifts always fall into at least two of those categories and more often than not all three. I don't know how she does it) was a voucher for a two-person "taste experience." A choice of any one of about two dozen venues dotted around the UK where we could turn up together and be treated to something foodie.

Options included cheese tasting, wine tasting and gourmet dining, but the only one with the combined benefits of most attractive nosh and proximity was the Famous 1657 Chocolate House at Kendal.

Normally of course this wouldn't tick the proximity box but as we set off this morning for a week in the Lakes Kendal was only a tiny diversion on the way to Wasdale. We arrived with plenty of time to spare. After a short riverside walk to kill that time we climbed the worn stone steps (which presumably have been trodden every day since 1657) and, not really knowing what to expect, crossed the threshold.

The current proprietor greeted us, ushered us to our reserved table in the window and introduced our own personal serving wench. She then ran through the details of exactly what our taste experience would entail.

We began with a mug of hot chocolate from a bewildering choice of flavours (we both selected the spicy "Aztec" option) accompanied by a slice of chocolate cake from an even larger list. Most of these are made in-house from traditional recipes developed by the original owner, although a small number (three on our menu for today, as far as I remember) are bought-in from local cake shops to swell the variety on offer.

Both were delicious.

After a short pause and a glass of water to refresh the palate, the wench returned bearing a plate of cut fruit and four small pots of pure melted chocolate - one each of dark and milk - in which to dip the fruit.

Heaven on a plate, and surprisingly filling. Once the fruit had been consumed we climbed the tiny spiral staircase to a comfy lounge to watch a short film on the growing, harvesting and production of the cocoa bean, after which we were invited into the emporium's basement shop to select 100g each from their handmade chocolate selection.

All told we were there just over an hour, and left well sated with our 100g bags (it worked out at 7-8 choccies each) tucked away for later. What a brilliant Christmas treat. Thanks babe!

Where was I?

Got back from a week in the Lakes this evening. A glorious, happy, mild, almost-rain-free, fun, exhausting, exhilarating 7 days spent in the company of fabulous friends, food, frolics and frippery.

We went last year, of course, but that was in May (and I never did write it up. Tut!). Don't s'pose I'll write this one up either, being the lazy sod I am, but we have the memories. And the photos. They're up on Picasa, if you're interested. We've decided we're going to pick one and have it printed on canvas to hang somewhere in the house as a permanent reminder of the funtimes. Well, you have to, don't you? I do. I absolutely do.

Letter meme

This came to me from Chris, via Diane. I have to tell you about 10 things I love that start with the letter L. If you want to play along for yourself, leave a comment here and I'll assign you a letter so you can list your own 10 lovely things in your journal and start giving out letters of your own.

So here we go, in the order they occurred to me:

1. Lakes
Whether it's "The Lakes" - where we'll be spending a week with mates around the last bank holiday in May - or Lake Ontario - or any other large inland body of water, I love 'em. Even a reservoir has some of the attraction, if it's been landscaped.

2. Licorice
Not too keen on licorice allsorts, which tend to be too sweet, but I love the plain black stuff and the red stringy stuff is even better!

3. Love
It makes the world go round, you can't live without it, and the more you give it out the more you get back. I love the feeling of being in love, I love the company of loved ones. Lovely.

4. Legs
Some men are said to be "tit men" while others claim to be "bum men." I'm a leg man. A shapely leg, a glimpse of thigh as a skirt sways or parts, that tantalising shadow as legs are crossed and uncrossed. All will always set my pulse racing. Bare, for preference, and definitely none o' them nasty tights thengyoberrymuds.

5. Lightning
I could sit and watch it for hours, as well as the accompanying torrential rain and cracking thunderclaps. Nature's raw power. God's firework display. Dangerous, exciting, unpredictable.

6. Leaves
Swishing through the fallen ones in autumn, breathing in the heady scent of sweet decay, or listening to the wind through them, or watching the different shades of green flash and twist as they blow about. The smell of fresh rain on them. The multitude of shapes, sizes and colours. And, if you want to get technical, their bountiful offering of oxygen. There's a lot to like about leaves.

7. Laughter
I love to lie on my back and make myself laugh, but even more I like to laugh uncontrollably, helplessly, tear-rollingly, side-splittingly, until I gasp for breath. And even more than either of those, I love to make other people laugh. It can lighten your load, help your day move faster through its boring bits, and oil the wheels of friendship.

8. Lazy Sunday Afternoons
Sundays can be boring, but when you hit that sweet spot on a Sunday afternoon, when nothing needs doing and you can please yourself, and no-one will mind if you read a book, listen to some sounds, watch a movie or just have a nap, and there's the traditional English summer sounds of lawnmowers in the distant background and fat bees humming over the hollyhocks; that's when Sundays can be perfect.

9. Legends
I've always felt a particular affinity for the Arthurian legend, but legends in general intrigue and fascinate me.

10. Lindos
A bit of a cheat this one, because my favourite holiday spot is Pefkos, which is about 5km further south on Rhodes, but Lindos is a pretty little town and we've had some great times there, so it's not a total cheat.

Birthday relaxation for a special person

Nikki's birthday today and we were planning a day out in the Lakes. Some of the Chorlton Players had decided to spend a few hours wombling around Haweswater and we also have a much-delayed appointment at Jennings brewery in Cockermouth to return the empty barrel from our housewarming party, so it seemed like a good idea to combine the two and meet up with the Players just in time for them to hit the pub.

In the event the forecast was for inclement weather so we cried off. I wouldn't say I jumped at the excuse not to go - I would have been perfectly happy either way - but as it's Nikki's special day it was only fair for her to have the final say. She opted for an afternoon/evening in front of the TV with a plate full of comfort food and a double bill of her favourite movies on DVD, preceded by one which was new to both of us, but which could well become a favourite: The Devil Wears Prada.

I was all set to hate it. On the face of it, there's very little to recommend it apart from Meryl Streep. It was a bonus to discover Stanley Tucci also stars - I've been a fan of his since watching Murder One many moons ago - but the subject matter? Haut couture in the offices of a New York fashion magazine? Didn't sound like my kind of thing at all.

Was I ever wrong. With consummate writing in general and razor-sharp dialogue in particular; with beautifully nuanced performances from just about every cast member; this is an absolute gem of a movie that had me laughing out loud many times over. And while it was having a great laugh poking fun at the vacuous fashion industry it was also driving home a carefully crafted message about being true to yourself and your core values, and demonstrating how hard this is when you get sucked in by something as superficially big and glossy and important as a job with a major magazine. How something that presents itself as the opportunity of a lifetime, a must-have can't-miss drop-dead life changing chance can indeed change your life and not for the better. You may find yourself chasing a dream that was never yours to begin with. Turned around and chewed up and spat out until you are not only unrecognisable to your friends and family but you don't know who you are any more either.

Fortunately for the main character (wonderfully played by Anne Hathaway), not only did she recognise this was happening before it was too late and walk away (literally), she also enjoyed the beneficence of an employer who, although cold and demanding on the outside, had a heart hidden deep beneath her crusty exterior and recognised the worth of her deputy assistant to the point where she was prepared to give her a good reference. Outside of the Hollywood version of high fashion and even higher corporate power broking, this would be highly unlikely. Made for a happy ending though!

A Day in the Lakes

The bathroom refit still isn't finished, in case you were wondering - although we had some good news yesterday: the replacement glass for the shower finally arrived from the glaziers and should be fitted early next week. In the meantime we've been trying to find a mirror and other assorted small items of bathroom furniture that are smart and modern yet still in keeping with the classic style of the porcelain we've chosen.

A secondary objective is to put as little on the walls as possible - those smooth clean newly plastered & painted lines are still a rarity in our house and we want nothing to interrupt the cool blue surface if it's avoidable.

We found some attractive free-standing towel rails and loo-roll holders locally, but Nikki discovered some even better designs online. To be sure of a perfect match for the suite we felt we needed to see them in the flesh, but the nearest stockist is in Ulverston, in the Lake District. What better excuse for a day in the Lakes? We haven't been for about eighteen months and with Spring well and truly sprung, the views should be spectacular. It was a "girls weekend" too, so it gave us a chance to have a family day out - something we haven't done since last year.

I can't remember ever visiting Ulverston before, but we couldn't have chosen a better day for our first trip: St. George's Day and the town had organised a pageant!

The town square was full of market stalls, with a stage rigged at one end where a court jester in tricorn hat and stripy leggings was cavorting for the amusement of the crowd. I say cavorting, it was more like flirting with the visiting young ladies really, one of whom was eventually dragged up to take part in a contest.

As we walked around the town we passed a dragon, closely followed by St. George and his squire on horseback.

We found Aqua Accessories without too much trouble and within a few minutes had selected the range that best complemented our bathroom fittings. Sadly when we came to check them over the mirror had a blemish on one edge and it was the last one they had in stock.

Ordinarily I would have accepted an offer of increased discount, but the bathroom mirror is something you have to stare at several times a day and the fault was very obvious. We're determined not to compromise on any of our fittings, so it had to be perfect. We took the other pieces - a glass shelf, and the freestanding towel rail and toilet roll holder - but the mirror will have to follow on once the new stock arrives.

Apart from the pageant and the bathroom supplies, there appeared to be very little in Ulverston worth looking at. We did have a quick gander around the indoor market, where a stall sported this rather strange sign. Some kind of local code, perhaps? I half expected to overhear someone asking "have the special pies come in yet, Hilary?" but I never did.

Leaving Ulverston and looking for somewhere to lunch, we realised Ambleside was only a short drive away, which meant we could indulge our passion for the excellent Bath buns to be found at the Apple Pie tea shop on the main street. It also gave us chance to take the lovely scenic route along the west coast of Coniston Water. As usual Ambleside was busy, but not unpleasantly so, and the bath buns were every bit as good as we remembered. We brought some home with us for tea tomorrow too!

On a previous visit to the Lakes many years ago I saw an original painting by a local artist in one of the art shops. Done in acrylics, it was the most incredible rendition of waves breaking on a shore I have ever seen, before or since. I've always regretted not buying it, although it would have been a stretch. I've never seen it again, nor anything to approach it, and I can't remember the name of the artist. Nevertheless every time we visit Ambleside or Windermere we check out the art shops in the hope of finding something similar.

On this occasion, we were lucky. Stopping off in Windermere on the way back, we found a really unusual black-and-white print of a rock formation on the coast of Grasmere. The picture, in portrait orientation, leads your eye up and into the lake - a perfect optical trick for the wall at the end of our landing, outside the new bathroom. That short corridor can feel a little claustrophobic, but with the view of Grasmere at the end, it will now stretch almost to infinity! I'll need to sort out some extra lighting, but we were very pleased with this find and with the other purchases we made today.