Spa-tastic birthday treat

Carden Park. A DeVere hotel famous for golfing and its award-winning restaurant, and the venue for a fantastic relaxing overnight stay (with spa treatments incorporated) which Nikki treated me to for my birthday this year.

I guess those for whom visits to spas or masseurs are an everyday part of life will find it odd, but I'd somehow managed to reach the age of almost-fifty-three without ever having had a professional massage. I know! Shit just happens, doesn't it? So the bit I was looking forward to most of all was the back massage. But the package included another treatment, so I'd chosen (from the admittedly limited list of options) to have a facial as well. I don't mean to imply the options are limited at Carden Park - they're not - but this particular package only offered those two, or a manicure or a pedicure. I wouldn't impose my feet on anyone, and I'm not a nail polish kind of guy, so facial was the only thing left really. And in case you're wondering, yes. I did investigate whether it was permissible to have TWO back massages :o)

We arrived too late to enjoy our complimentary welcome drink, but a "spa light bite" lunch was included and after wading through the enormous bowl of chunky chips that accompanied my beef sandwich I was grateful the light bite was no heavier. We had time to kill before our treatments, which we spent checking in to our room (an extremely well-appointed suite as you can see below), wandering around the grounds taking advantage of the temporary cessation of rain, and relaxing in the bar with a swift G&T.
The appointed hour for our treatments (4pm) rolled around soon enough and we retired to the spa section of the hotel to change into robes and meet in the "Relaxation Room." A dimly-lit room with twiddly sylvan pipe music playing,

a large aquarium embedded in one wall, and a raft of couches, many of which were occupied by ladies in robes. Nikki later observed that the most populous Relaxation Room she'd ever relaxed in had contained one other person. This was positively packed. I didn't relax.

I'll spare you the details of the treatments. The back massage was fabulous and the facial was... interesting. And left me with an extremely gooey beard.

Our delightful evening meal, at three substantial courses, left no room for the cheeseboard which we'd hoped to carry back to our room to enjoy with another glass of wine. It was not to be - we were already overstuffed. So we returned to our suite for what was to prove the worst part of our stay - the bed. Or to be more precise, the mattress. A superking affair that turned into an all-night endurance test as it tried its damnedest to turf us out onto the floor. I have no idea how a bed can get into this state, but it was like sleeping on the side of a mountain, with the peak in the middle of the bed, and each edge in a separate valley. Lose your anchor point for a moment and you risked rolling out completely. Having come without crampons, we clung to each other for safety!