We bought a new fridge and a new freezer when we moved in here. AEG. Very nice. We were offered the usual extended warranty, but they're a right rip-off aren't they? I've never needed one on any of the appliances I've bought over the last 30 years, so why start now right?
So immediately, you know what's coming. After 18 months - 6 months past its warranty - the freezer has started playing up. Not maintaining its standard recommended temperature of -18°C and occasionally getting warm enough to set the alarm off (-11°C). Indeed the ice-cream we all had last weekend was definitely more cream than ice. We tried leaving the freezer on Turbofrost, which is intended to fast-freeze the new food you've just put in, and turns itself off after 50 hours. During those 50 hours the temperature gradually crept down to -17. The morning after the turbofrost cancelled itself, it bounced back up to -14 as quick as you like. By lunchtime, the alarm was sounding again.
So I called the service company and started jousting with their IVR system.
"Please choose from one of the following three options:
If you are calling to purchase a spare part, or about an ongoing repair, please press 1
If you require a repair on an appliance under 12 months old, or on an older appliance covered by an extended warranty, please press 2
If you require a repair on an appliance over 12 months old, which is not covered by an extended warranty, please press 3"
So, already feeling like a second-class citizen, I press "3"
"Please choose from one of the following three options: (because it's never simple enough for a single-level IVR question is it?)
If you would like to purchase a spare part, please press 1 (a feeling of deja vu descends. Wouldn't I already have pressed "1" the first time round? I start to think my "3" hasn't registered, but the message continues...)
If you require a repair on a product which is not covered by the manufacturer's warranty, or an extended warranty, please press 2 (yes, that's the one I opted for before)
For all other enquiries, please press 3" (and there was an option to hold for an operator at the first level too, so basically this second level menu offered me
- an option I've had before, and declined
- the option I wanted, and which I'd already selected, and
- a default option of "anything else" which I'd also had before, and ignored then too)
And I describe the problem thus: "I bought a freezer from you about 18 months ago, and it's failing to maintain its temperature."
The first question they ask? "How old is the appliance?"
Well, I bought it 18 months ago. From the manufacturer. So it's...umm...18 months old.
"Do you have an extended warranty?"
Well no. That's why I selected the option for those people who don't have extended warranties. Twice.
Is it me? I mean, I already gave you all of this information. Either verbally, just now, when you weren't listening, or on my key pad, mere seconds ago, which your STUPID IVR SYSTEM is too crap to show you, on your little screen. So carry on with your "Customer Relationship Management" script. Don't let me bother you. God.
And then. The piece de resistance. A wonderful little scam for those people who haven't been suckered by the extended warranty the first time round. I'm quoted an "average cost of repair for this type of fault" of £138, and offered "option 1" - to pay the repair guy in full at the completion of the job. But! There's "option 2" - "which most of our customers find more cost-effective."
You bet they do. With a bill of £138 staring them in the face, who wouldn't be tempted by ten easy payments of £14.90, which incidentally covers you for any other faults over the next 12 months? I know I was. And they took my bank details for the direct debit right there and then. How efficient is that?
What a shame the booking of the repair appointment wasn't quite so efficient. Having read the model and serial numbers out to them AGAIN, not to mention repeating the job reference and warranty reference numbers they had just given to me (because of course, it's too much to ask that the warranty selling department and the job scheduling department could actually share any of this information, isn't it?) they offered me Friday.
"No, sorry, I have to go out Friday afternoon. If you can come before three that would be OK."
"Oh, no, I can't guarantee that. Monday?"
"No, got to be at work."
"Well the next appointment I have available is Thursday of next week."
"Yeah, that's fine."
"Would you like morning, or afternoon?"
"Excuse me? I thought you just said you couldn't guarantee to come Friday morning. Now you're offering me Thursday morning?"
"Yes, well, there haven't been any jobs booked on that day yet."
I should have realised. That makes all the difference. Runny ice-cream, anyone?
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