I wrote recently about shit my Mum says, and I've just remembered something else she always used to trot out regularly when I was a kid. It was a memory of her grandma - whom she called Gram - and the old lady's reply whenever, as a girl, Mum would wish for something.
This homespun philosophy was passed on to me when I in my turn would make some wish, of the sort kids are wont to do. "I wish I had a bike," or "I wish I had someone to play with," etc. Round she would spin, eyes sparkling brightly at this new-found opportunity to pass on her worldly wisdom. "Wish in one hand," she would declaim, "and shit in the other, and see which hand gets full first."
And as I've remarked many times in the past, my mother's mind often works like some kind of fleshy programmed text which is incapable of independent thought. So this Epithet of Astonishing Profundity would inevitably be followed up with the observation: "that's what my Gram used to say, and she wasn't being rude."
Which, clearly, she was. She was revelling in the chance to be slightly naughty and use the word "shit" where in fact almost any other physical activity which could possibly have resulted in the filling of a hand would have served as an alternative. She could have said spit, for instance, although admittedly it would not have had the instant memorability of the mental image of someone actually shitting into their hand.
I did wonder occasionally what effect it would've had on my Mum if I'd taken her advice literally. If I'd walked up to her with my handful of shit stretched out in front of me and said something like "look Mum! This one got full first!" I mean, she would only have had herself to blame for putting such a mad thought into a kid's head.
Incidentally, the irony of referring to this stuff as "shit my Mum says" has just hit me since, occasionally, she did say "shit." Q.E.D.
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My mother always said shit, or "Jesus Christ" or Goddamn... but never the "F word"... but in the last 8 or 10 years she will say it, only if the situation requires it, a situation of extreme frustration or anger and even then, it's whispered or mouthed. Perhaps if she's alone it's spoken out loud, i don't know. Her mother, my Nan, was an ...er.. earthy woman as well and probably my great Grandmother was as well, considering the stories i've heard about her! My paternal grandmother, also a Gram, was a very quiet woman. Probably never swore in her life. I certainly never heard it or heard about it.
My Mom came from a strict Methodist background, and the worst swearing I heard from her was "Holy Dyin' Canada!"
Asking her about the history of this saying, she can only shrug.
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