Wild Beech chase

Thanks to all those who tried to help me find the Burnham Beeches hotel this evening. As it turned out it would have been a lot easier without your help.

I've only stayed here once before, and on that occasion I travelled down by train and took a taxi from Burnham station. I checked the location out on googlemaps before setting off from Bracknell and it seemed fairly straightforward, so with unfounded confidence I didn't print the map off.

Crossing the A4 outside Slough in the direction of Burnham I passed the station and was surprised how close it was to the main road. When you travel by train to an area you're unfamiliar with it's easy to get completely turned around. My confidence increased as I recognised the road leading away from the station and one or two other landmarks. Then I made my first mistake and turned towards Burnham Beeches.

The Burnham Beeches hotel isn't actually at Burnham Beeches. It's closer to Burnham. An easy, but unfortunate error which led to several minutes driving up and down very picturesque but ever more unfamiliar country roads. I passed the golf course and almost mistook it for the hotel. Finally, I spotted a couple of pedestrians and contrary to all the rules of manhood, stopped to ask directions. In extremely broken English (!) the older of the two ladies directed me back the way I'd come but then down a small turning off the main road. "Go down there," she said, "and you can't miss it."

I went down there. I missed it. This was to prove entirely unsurprising as the hotel is in fact about three miles away from that location, but I didn't know that at the time. Eventually the small and winding country lane met the main road again at an attractive country pub. I went in and enquired of the barmaid where I might find the hotel. She offered to fetch someone in the know, but two gents sat at the bar offered instruction.

Their directions returned me to the original main road a little closer to the turn-off suggested by my first "helper" and then down exactly the same route as she had described. This time I travelled much more slowly, peering down each gateway and path in the hope of spotting the hotel. No luck. I reached the pub again and retraced my route, taking a couple of alternative turnings with no more luck. I was about to pull over and call the hotel when around the next bend came a woman walking two dogs. "Go back to the main road," she told me, "and turn right." (The opposite direction to that suggested by the previous two experts).

This took me in the direction of Burnham and led, after I'd followed my nose and my instincts a little further, to a turning marked by a very small sign: Burnham Beeches Hotel. You'd think, in an area with comparatively few hotels, that one so large and impressive would be better signposted. Of course, next time I stay here, I won't need the signposts. I hope.