Saturday, May 17, 2008

A bit of a chiseller

It's been a while since I did electrics, but when the old dining room becomes the new lounge having only two double sockets in the whole room will be way too restrictive, so I decided to install a couple of extras on the other side of the room. It was a pity to have to lift any of the floorboards - the floor in this room is one of the best in the house and all still original - but some of them at least are going to have to be raised to supply gas to the new fire, so I didn't feel too bad about it.

Employing Isaac Asimov's principle of Minimum Necessary Change (it's incredible how often that concept has popped back into my mind since reading The End of Eternity "over thirty years" ago) I selected a single board that would give me access to both new socket points, and set about removing it. I'd like to say I got it up with no damage, but there was a small amount of splintering. Nothing that will make the floor wobble or creak when it goes back down though, and as we're carpeting the room the only real damage was to my pride.

If I'd chosen 25mm boxes, I could have got away with just removing a section of plaster, but I prefer to have more room for wiring even though the new boxes will only be taking a single cable (the most load each of these sockets will carry will be a table lamp, or perhaps occasionally a vacuum cleaner), so I'd opted for 35mm boxes. This will certainly make life easier when the house is eventually rewired and the new sockets are included on the ring, but the downside for today was that I had to chisel out a 10mm depth of brick. Luckily the bricks on this internal wall weren't too hard, so this didn't take too long. Even so I was knackered by the time I'd completed the second box.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Friday Five

1. Who do you adore?
Nikki, and my daughters. Nuff said.

2. Who adores you?
Umm, not surprisingly, I think the answer is: Nikki, and my daughters. And my Mum, probably. Anyone else hasn't mentioned it yet (and let's hope it stays that way).

3. What's in your pockets?
Normally, or now? Right now I'm at home wearing trackie bottoms, so nothing. Normally a coin purse, a hanky, car keys and my wallet.

4. Who can you talk with for hours?
Quite a few people, but I don't *usually* like to talk for hours.

5. What sounds great today?
"We're offering you early retirement on full pension."

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Chim chiminee, chim chiminee...

Bit of a blast from the past today: we had the chimney sweep round. We'll be fitting a living flame gas fire in the new lounge, and although we've been here 18 months and never used the grate in the dining room, we know the previous owners regularly had a fire in there, so it was certain to need doing.

Halfway through the job, the sweep - a gentleman I would put in his early sixties - called me down from the study to ask if I'd like to go out and check that the brush was sticking out of the chimney. Wow! This traditional proof that the sweep has actually done his work took me flying back to my youth, when my Mum would send me running to the end of the garden to watch for the brush popping out of the chimney pot.

I really never expected to see that again!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiii - V - R!!!

My latest experience with IVR systems. A bugbear of mine, as regular readers will know. I mean, what is the bloody use of them?

We bought a new fridge and a new freezer when we moved in here. AEG. Very nice. We were offered the usual extended warranty, but they're a right rip-off aren't they? I've never needed one on any of the appliances I've bought over the last 30 years, so why start now right?

So immediately, you know what's coming. After 18 months - 6 months past its warranty - the freezer has started playing up. Not maintaining its standard recommended temperature of -18°C and occasionally getting warm enough to set the alarm off (-11°C). Indeed the ice-cream we all had last weekend was definitely more cream than ice. We tried leaving the freezer on Turbofrost, which is intended to fast-freeze the new food you've just put in, and turns itself off after 50 hours. During those 50 hours the temperature gradually crept down to -17. The morning after the turbofrost cancelled itself, it bounced back up to -14 as quick as you like. By lunchtime, the alarm was sounding again.

So I called the service company and started jousting with their IVR system.
"Please choose from one of the following three options:
If you are calling to purchase a spare part, or about an ongoing repair, please press 1
If you require a repair on an appliance under 12 months old, or on an older appliance covered by an extended warranty, please press 2
If you require a repair on an appliance over 12 months old, which is not covered by an extended warranty, please press 3"
So, already feeling like a second-class citizen, I press "3"
"Please choose from one of the following three options: (because it's never simple enough for a single-level IVR question is it?)
If you would like to purchase a spare part, please press 1 (a feeling of deja vu descends. Wouldn't I already have pressed "1" the first time round? I start to think my "3" hasn't registered, but the message continues...)
If you require a repair on a product which is not covered by the manufacturer's warranty, or an extended warranty, please press 2 (yes, that's the one I opted for before)
For all other enquiries, please press 3" (and there was an option to hold for an operator at the first level too, so basically this second level menu offered me
  • an option I've had before, and declined
  • the option I wanted, and which I'd already selected, and
  • a default option of "anything else" which I'd also had before, and ignored then too)
I press "2"

And I describe the problem thus: "I bought a freezer from you about 18 months ago, and it's failing to maintain its temperature."
The first question they ask? "How old is the appliance?"
Well, I bought it 18 months ago. From the manufacturer. So it's...umm...18 months old.
"Do you have an extended warranty?"
Well no. That's why I selected the option for those people who don't have extended warranties. Twice.

Is it me? I mean, I already gave you all of this information. Either verbally, just now, when you weren't listening, or on my key pad, mere seconds ago, which your STUPID IVR SYSTEM is too crap to show you, on your little screen. So carry on with your "Customer Relationship Management" script. Don't let me bother you. God.

And then. The piece de resistance. A wonderful little scam for those people who haven't been suckered by the extended warranty the first time round. I'm quoted an "average cost of repair for this type of fault" of £138, and offered "option 1" - to pay the repair guy in full at the completion of the job. But! There's "option 2" - "which most of our customers find more cost-effective."

You bet they do. With a bill of £138 staring them in the face, who wouldn't be tempted by ten easy payments of £14.90, which incidentally covers you for any other faults over the next 12 months? I know I was. And they took my bank details for the direct debit right there and then. How efficient is that?

What a shame the booking of the repair appointment wasn't quite so efficient. Having read the model and serial numbers out to them AGAIN, not to mention repeating the job reference and warranty reference numbers they had just given to me (because of course, it's too much to ask that the warranty selling department and the job scheduling department could actually share any of this information, isn't it?) they offered me Friday.

"No, sorry, I have to go out Friday afternoon. If you can come before three that would be OK."
"Oh, no, I can't guarantee that. Monday?"
"No, got to be at work."
"Well the next appointment I have available is Thursday of next week."
"Yeah, that's fine."
"Would you like morning, or afternoon?"
"Excuse me? I thought you just said you couldn't guarantee to come Friday morning. Now you're offering me Thursday morning?"
"Yes, well, there haven't been any jobs booked on that day yet."

I should have realised. That makes all the difference. Runny ice-cream, anyone?

What goes up...

Well actually, I was hoping that in this particular case what went up wouldn't have to come down. Only it did. With a bang.

There I was, sitting at my puter minding my own business, when I heard a peculiar crackling noise. Just briefly, over on Nikki's side of the study. I figured it was a bird landing on her window sill, or a bee crashing into the glass, or the heat of the day causing part of the building to expand. Nothing to worry about.

Ten seconds later, her curtain pole fell off the wall. Leaving these rather unsightly holes in the nice new plaster, and shattering tiny shards of amber glass finial over a wide area of carpet and desk.

Bugger.

More filling, sanding, painting, drilling, fixing, and putting back up. Only this time, with longer screws!!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Budge up a bit

We've had to be a bit creative about where to store all the dining room furniture while the new lounge is created. My Mum's treasured dining table now has... err... pride of place in the... err... hall. Tucked away behind it is the mirror that we took off the walnut sideboard to make it easier to move. I could easily get used to having a table here actually - it's real handy when bringing in the groceries!

Not quite so handy is the "old" lounge, where the large sofa is pushed out to make room for the main dining table, shorn of its legs, and at the back of the room the drinks cabinet looms ominously over the sofa, cutting out a surprising amount of light to say that it's positioned end-on. The smaller sofa hasn't avoided disturbance either: it's been moved away from the wall to accommodate the girls' PC and some of the dining chairs.

Finally the rest of the sideboard, minus its mirror, has taken up residence in the kitchen. Much to the cat's disgust, as she now has to eat and drink on the other side of the room. Not much of a disturbance you might think, but she's getting on you know. She prefers routine. Probably best if she moves out then - lol - there's precious little routine around here!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

The emptiness of the erstwhile dining room

Moving several large, heavy items of furniture from one room to another is perhaps not the best choice of occupation when one is suffering from a chest infection, but the urge to decorate is sometimes even more infectious, so with many rest stops, coughing, spluttering, wheezing and sweating, we emptied the dining room of its artefacts during the course of the day.

I'm always surprised how empty an... umm... empty room sounds. And how deceptively large it looks. We started talking about additional items of comfy chairing, until we reminded ourselves that the objective was to have a comfortable, pleasant space. We don't exactly do minimalist - we hoard way too much for that - but neither do we want a room where you have to edge around chairs and tables before you can turn the TV off.

So here are the obligatory set of "before" pictures. There are more, which I'll certainly stick on Flickr before long, but these three give you a flavour of the room. A traditional 4-bed house's front room with a somewhat-less-than-traditional colour scheme. One of the few remaining examples of our predecessors' unique taste in decor. Unfortunately we'll probably have to hang on to those curtains for a while, having just learned that the fire we like has blown the budget by a few hundred quid. Usually, we manage to get more than a day into a project before we blow the budget. >sigh<

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Here we go again

After a blissful six months of just *living* in the house, we're gearing ourselves up to our next project, and the first of 2008 (if you don't count having the roof replaced).

They say life's full of surprises, and if you'd asked me this time last week which room would be the next to be done, the one we've opted for would probably have been last on my list. But that was before the two-hour drive to Ian's 50th birthday party last Sunday, during which Nikki managed to convince me it would be a good idea to swop our front room, currently used (occasionally) as the "posh" dining room, for the lounge.

In the end I couldn't deny the logic. Being north facing, the room is a lot cooler and hence more comfortable in summer. With a new gas fire and modern efficient radiators fitted, it will also be really cosy in winter. It's darker, so more conducive to watching movies at the weekend during daylight hours. It's easier to carpet than the current lounge, as we don't have to worry about what to do with the conservatory doors. It's also not in use full-time at the moment, which means the project can go ahead pretty much without disturbing the rest of the house. There are knock-on benefits to using our current lounge as a dining room too. The conservatory space makes it better for entertaining. We don't have to worry about carpeting it. And so on.

The debate, and online research into fireplace options and colour schemes, continued pretty much all week until today, when we sat down in the garden with cold drinks, paper and pen and planned out the project. If all goes to plan, it looks like we should be finished well before October: the next date when we plan to have house guests.

Friday, May 09, 2008

Friday Five and I'm still alive

A dearth of postings this week on account of me being sick and having almost total lack of energy and enthusiasm. Which is a shame, cos it meant no write-up of Annie's party, or Ian's 50th do in Nottingham (which was a cracker). Can't even bring meself to document them retrospectively at the moment. Maybe later.

And there it was: Friday again. I guess if you wait long enough, it's inevitable, but somehow the wait never seems that long. I did the book meme thing last Friday, so here I am a week behind again. No, a week behind, not a weak behind. God.

1. Describe where you grew up:
A three-bed semi-detached council house in an average suburban street, except that it was a "close" rather than a street. A T-shaped dead end with two circles at the ends of the T's crossbar. Which gave rise to the expression "I'm going to play in the circle," meaning we would play marbles in the inspection covers, or hopscotch, or football, or cricket, or any of the other 50 or so street games I can't remember now. I lived there from ages 0 to 18. I had a 10-minute walk to primary school, a 5-minute bus ride to junior school, and a 35-40 minute walk home from big school (which catered for 11-18s). We had a stream at the bottom of our garden which ran through a wood further down. We used to wade in it, dam it up and generally mess about in the wood, until they dug it up to build houses when I was about 15. There were acres of fields at the back of my house too - as far as the eye could see. They've all been built on now too, but that didn't happen until after I left home.

2. Do you wear any jewelery?
A gold chain, permanently. I have a gold ring too that we bought in Rhodes, but I don't wear it all the time.

3. What do you have too much of?
Stuff that I'm "going to sell on eBay" one of these days.

4. Who is a fool?
Anyone who answers this question, probably!

5. What's your nickname?
Digger. On account of my initials being JCB.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Book meme

Snagged from Diane. Like her, I am finding recently that reading "classics" has been boring me to tears. Not classics like Jane Austen, Dickens or Emile Zola, but "modern classics." The book club has been choosing them serially for months and it's an eye-opener. All those books I've thought "I really must read..." turn out to be not worth the effort.

The idea of this meme is to embolden the ones you've read and italicize the ones you own but have not read.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose (coincidentally the book club's choice for this month, but as I can't go to the meeting I probably won't bother reading it)
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses (someone threatened to choose this!)
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
A Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveller’s Wife (very first book club book. I loved it)
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales - in the original.
The Historian : a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
(last month's club choice - I hated it. Reviewed earlier this week)
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist

Gulliver’s Travels

Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune (one of my favourite books of all time)
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon (didn't expect to find any I'd bought but not read yet, and here's the second!)
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake : a novel
Collapse
Cloud Atlas (yuck, yuck and thrice times yuck)
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Lads' night out

Since we moved, "the girls" (i.e. wives and partners of the neighbours) have had three or four girlie nights out. After each one of these is organised, "the lads" mutter about "having to do something" to arrange a lads' night out. "How hard can it be?" we all say. "Just need to set a date," we agree. And then we go home, close our doors, and forget about it until the next girls' night.

So last Friday, at another neighbours' event (the combined "80th" birthday party for the lads at the end), we finally harumphed our way to an agreed place, date and time. Pool night at the local snooker club. We had eight takers, which made a perfect set of doubles over two tables.

That is, until one guy realised he's going away tomorrow and has loads to do before that, so he cried off. And another guy couldn't persuade his missus to forgo her bingo night just once. And a third guy decided he was actually busy until after 9, but he'd come along later. Only of course he never did.

Which left 5 of us. It still worked though, one of us dropping out in turn from a game, therefore playing 4 games out of 5. And the rates are good too - £12.50 to stay on a table all night (which by the time we arrived meant 8-midnight). And the beer is good. And the company was even better. We had a really good time and will definitely be doing again, I'd say.

It was noticeable though, that at the end of the pool we all went home. When the women go out, they tend to congregate back at a house and carry on gassing and drinking until the early hours. We need to pick a non-weekday night next time, methinks.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Book Review: The Picture of Dorian Gray

Another month, another classic selection by the book club and, sadly, another tedious read that I absolutely hated. Full of the supposedly witty epigrams for which Wilde was famous (and which Monty Python parodied so brilliantly), such as "there are only two kinds of people who are interesting: those who know nothing and those who know everything." [quoted from memory only - I can't be bothered to trawl the book for the accurate text]

Each of the male characters appears to be a thinly-veiled Oscar Wilde, and the book a vehicle for his pontifications on the state of the world and his place in it. His dialogue is stilted and wooden, his characters forget who they are talking to in every sentence and have to repeat each other's names to remind themselves, and he regularly changes perspective in the middle of a scene. With more judicious editing (or indeed, any editing at all) this would have made a very good short story. As a novel it's a royal snoozefest for the first 170 pages or so.

In particular, reading the passages where Dorian is diverting himself in various pursuits feels like one of those dreams where you're running as fast as you can and not getting anywhere. I'm not a huge fan of skim-reading but it was the only way I could crawl my way through this section. It was that, or give up on the book entirely. The scene where he convinces Campbell to dispose of the body is so ludicrous as to be laughable. I could sum it up as: "I want nothing to do with you Dorian. Oh, go on then, I'll get rid of your body for you." The pretext of a dreadful secret of Campbell's that Gray threatens to expose is not even foreshadowed.

The story finally picks up in the last few chapters but the payoff is hardly worth all the life you've wasted reading almost 200 pages to arrive at the "good bit" such as it is. Another candidate for this summer's book swap, I'm afraid.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

An injection of adrenalin

3am. My sleeping ears hear a noise downstairs that my brain interprets as someone trying to open the cloakroom door. Again.

Only this time they can't, because I've fitted locks.

I leap out of bed, put something on (unlike last time O_O), grab my trusty weapon (thanks, Paul!) and head downstairs, making as much noise as possible and turning lights on as I go.

I unlock the cloakroom door and fling it open, ready for a confrontation.

There's no-one there, and the new window is intact.

I check the kitchen and study. Nothing. I peer out to the back, and to the front. Nothing.

I return The Weapon to its resting place and climb back into bed. "Did you hear something?" Nikki asks.

5.20am. With adrenaline still coursing around my body, I check the clock for the fiftieth time in two hours.

6.20am. The alarm wakes me up.

12.45pm. A colleague with whom I'm lunching, and who has also been burgled recently, asks me how long the paranoia lasts. "At least six weeks," I tell him wrily.

Monday, April 28, 2008

My erection subsides

Finally, after a week of cajoling, chasing, and being put off by the weather, the scaffolding started to be...umm...whatever the opposite of erected is. De-erected. Reducted. Taken down.

They still had to dodge the showers, but by the time I came home from my briefing session (around 1pm) most of the top platform had gone. Apparently it takes almost as long to take down as it does to put up, which I suppose makes sense because the fastenings all have to be undone by as many turns as they were done up with, and the poles and planks have to be hauled back to the truck and stacked for the next job. The only part of the task that is slightly more complicated and time-consuming on the way up is making sure the base is secure and the platforms level, which I guess wouldn't take long for an expert.

So it'll take two full days to be completely rid of it, which might stretch into Wednesday, but at least it's all down from the front of the house now, thus making the property less attractive to burglars.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

I need a creative sat-nav

It's an interesting limbo I find myself in now. I've never been here before, so I don't know what it's supposed to feel like. Before I started my first novel, I had a very clear idea of the main plot points of the story. It was the only story. The one that had been bubbling around in my head for ages. Of course, it needed the application of some craft. Some technique. It needed a full synopsis, and that then needed work to heighten the dramatic tension; to provide action and reaction; tension and release, or whatever you call them. It needed characters fleshing out, interactions designing and all the usual stuff (which, for the avoidance of doubt, was nothing like "the usual stuff" to me back then, because I had no idea. I learned as I went along).

So there was a path, with some clear milestones, and above all there was a destination.

It's been an 8-year process to get here. On the way, I've had other ideas and, as per good practice, I've kept a note of them all in my log lines folder. In a way, then, I'm much better off than I was in 2000. I have eight years worth of learning and practice under my belt, a much clearer idea of the fictional narrative, character development, and all that good stuff. And I have at least a dozen ideas where before there was only one.

And there, Horatio, lies the rub.

Which one to choose? Which is the best one? Another technological thriller; or a science fantasy; or a character-driven, feel-good meander through the lives of a handful of characters we haven't met yet but would recognise in an instant? Or should I spend a while dreaming up a totally different idea? This is tough! I need more tea...

Friday, April 25, 2008

Friday Five

Didn't fancy the last one, so I'm now caught up with these :o)

1. When did you last get lost?
That's a test of memory!! It doesn't usually happen, because mostly I know where I'm going, or have a map, or an atlas, or sat-nav (someone else's, so far). The most recent time I can remember is travelling back to East York from Newmarket one "fateful" night (*vbg*) driving through torrential rain when neither of us really knew which way we were going and, eventually, where we were. We got there in the end though ;o)

2. Have you ever been flying?
Yes, many times. As a passenger, never in anything unusual, although having said that, I have had three VERY memorable flying experiences. In reverse order of size: the 21-seater jump-jet between Toronto and Kingston (both directions); the 10-seater private charter jet that EMC Corporation flew me to Cork in, when they were trying to sell me a storage solution (both directions, with cucumber sandwiches served both times); and the sea-plane from Vancouver Island to Vancouver - 8-seater and just about the most exciting trip I've ever made. One direction only that time, cos I went over on the ferry.

3. Who do you always listen to?
There's no-one I ALWAYS listen to. Nikki and my daughters come closest.

4. When does the day feel long?
Those days when I have to go into the office, and I don't have anything to do, so I have to make it look as if I have something to do. For eight hours. Sheesh.

5. Friday fill-in:
Are we _____ ?
having a cup of tea?

Thursday, April 24, 2008

I could never be a project manager

I've known this for a long time of course, but it was brought home to me again today when my roofer called to check whether the scaffolders had been to take it down. No, they haven't. So off he went to chase them up. And there, right there, is the reason I don't make a very good project manager, and in a similar way, I would almost certainly make a lousy producer.

I totally and completely hate chasing people up to chivvy them along to do something they said they would, or that I asked them to, and haven't. In fact it took me years ("thirty years" probably ;o)) to realise that you needed to do that at all. Surely, I reasoned, if you'd asked someone to do something, especially if it was their JOB, they'd do it. And years of experience to the contrary were not sufficient to ram that message home: that you need to be on top of people, or across the situation, or whatever the latest term is, ALL the time to make sure it gets done, gets done right, and gets done on time.

Knowing that it's a necessary part of a job is still a mile away from doing it though, and I continue to avoid situations where I'd need to behave like this. Like most things, it's probably down to some childhood trauma. I certainly have a lifelong hatred of being told what to do and, even worse, reminded when it needs to be done by, which may well explain why I dislike doing the same thing to others.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Hiatus

As you'd probably noticed, I've been off. Off from here, I mean. It wasn't intentional, but having reached the end of my intense novel-writing activity - at least until the comments come in from reviewers - I've been kind of regrouping for the last week. Taking some time for new ideas to steep. Reading around the subject. Wondering what to do next. What direction to take.

And, as a result, not writing. Or at least, not blogging. I guess any activity vaguely connected with writing counts as... writing. I could call it research. Or "filling the well." Or thinking.

I remember working with a guy once who spent a lot of time thinking. He would always look as if he wasn't doing anything. He had a rubber (an eraser, I mean) he used to fiddle with. Spin it round in his fingers, nibble little bits of it away with his nails. Or just sit and stare at it. He was designing software. In his head. At the time I thought he was just... well... lazy. Bored. It was a good lesson for me. The absence of any sign of activity does not necessarily mean the lack of activity. Like a duck - there was a lot going on under the surface.

At the end of days of apparent wool-gathering, this guy would turn on his PC and write an entire design from beginning to end that was complete, coherent and almost entirely bug-free. He wasn't an impressive guy to look at or, as I've explained, to watch. Most of the time. But he sure ended up impressing the hell out of me.

So that's where I've been and what I've been doing. Only without the rubber.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Gifted

I was watching Channel 4's "Child Genius" tonight. A rather sad look at the lives of children with extremely high IQs - as in, the maximum score possible: 170. I'm not going to go into the details of the programme, but one aspect of it sticks in my mind. One of the super-bright kids' brother was being tested for the first time and the family waited with bated breath to see how he would do.

His result was 137. "Oh, good for him," his exceedingly intelligent elder brother scoffed, "he's quite bright." Difficult to know how he could possibly have invested that simple sentence with more disdain, tinged with relief that his brother hadn't bettered him (which, being "exceedingly intelligent" he should already have worked out was impossible given he already had a perfect score).

But I digress. My point is, the announcer declared 137 put the brother within the definition of "gifted." Who knew? When I was 12 my IQ was measured at 144. Hey - I'm gifted! Was I sent to a special school? Was I tutored at home? Did my parents fuss around me and make sure I had access to all sorts of mind-stretching and creative endeavour? The answer, as you may have guessed, is no. I just got on with it, like everyone else I knew.

Which, for me, begs two questions. One: how would life had panned out if I'd had more pushy (or maybe, more aware) parents, prepared to treat me differently on account of me being... different? (And from where I sit now, the answer to that - at least one potential answer - is very scary. I'm glad I grew up with something-approaching-normal socialisation, friends, mistakes, challenges and triumphs).

Two: how many more "gifted" children slip through the net, and end up not fulfilling their potential, simply because their parents never conceive of them being gifted, and their teachers are too hard-pressed to notice? That, perhaps, is the most scary thought of all.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Fourth draft put to bed

Last month I told you I'd completed the third draft of my novel. Today, I'm even happier to report the fourth draft is put to bed, only a little over a month later.

There's a few reasons for my greatly enhanced speed of working. Firstly, I've resigned from the large and significant project I've been working on for the last two years. Its first release went live successfully and on time last month, and this milestone presented me with the opportunity to leave gracefully, having led the project technically through its proof of concept, procurement, development and initial delivery phases. This gives me vastly more spare time, which this month I've devoted almost entirely to writing.

Secondly, I designed a small macro to highlight "danger" words. Running this against my work made it much easier to spot overwriting, run-on sentences, passive voice and a host of other no-nos, so I was able to rattle through and correct all these things much more quickly.

And finally, there's nothing better for focussing the mind than the possibility that your work may actually see the light of day. I can't say very much about this at the moment, but let's just say I'm much more hopeful of finding a publisher now than I was a couple of months ago.

So is it done? Well, not quite. Editing my way through the whole thing this time round, it was clear that the second half is much better than the first. You expect the pace to build up later, I know, once the characters and the plot have been established, but even so I feel I can do a better job with the first half, so I'm giving myself one more go-through to make the thing as good as it can be.

I'll need to concentrate more on the job at hand though. All too often I reach the end of a chapter and realise I've just been reading it rather than editing it. Tsk. Concentrate!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

The welcome of the Twisted Spire

I'm still nervous about leaving the house unoccupied with the scaffolding up all around it, but we didn't have much choice this weekend. Drove to Mum's right after work Friday to deliver the birthday present she's been waiting a month for, and perform the "duty visit." Having listened to standard conversations 1 through 10, we escaped to the pub as soon as politeness allowed and although we hadn't planned on a long session ended up staying until around 11pm.

Saturday breakfast was followed by standard conversations 1 through 10 again, at which point we made our escape again, this time in the direction of Chesterfield - the real reason for the weekend's travel. The "excuse" - insofar as we need one - was to have a planning session for our upcoming week in the Lakes, but really we don't need a reason to enjoy the Welcome of the Twisted Spire.

We had our third attempt at walking around Chatsworth too, previous tries having been aborted owing to family illness and inclement weather respectively. This time round the rain was threatening again, so forking out for the formal gardens seemed like a waste of money. We wandered around the various tat shops for a while and walked up and down past the children's farm, until everyone decided we'd had enough fresh air and it was time to head for the Robin Hood and go into a huddle around a couple of pints.

Then it was back to the house and time for the girls to run through the essentials of provisioning and menus for the week while the lads pored over maps none of us really understood, and planned the rendezvous point and the route from there to the cottage. Yes, I'd have to agree that we had the easier job, but then we are blokes so we couldn't cope with anything too taxing.

Planning complete, we negotiated a short walk to another of Phil & Vicky's locals for a session that ended up going on far longer than expected, after which we "walked" back to the house for a later-than-anticipated (but still fabulous!) meal. These days the result of four pints and a wonderful meal is inevitable, but the embarrassment was relieved slightly when I discovered I'd been joined in the Land of Nod by two of the other three guys and at least one of the girls. At which point we all made our excuses and headed for our rooms. Is this how it's going to be in the Lakes? I expect so - we'll have days full of fresh Lakes air and walking to contend with then on top of the other factors!

We returned at lunchtime today to find the house still in one piece. I'll still be happier when this scaffold is down though.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Friday Five

Thank God for Friday Fives, cos there's no news on the flippin' roof today. The whole day was a wash-out, weatherwise.

1. When were you born?
On a Saturday, just before breakfast, in a 20th century November.

2. What's your favorite photograph?
This is a really tough one. Partly because there are so many, but partly because I don't really think of things this way. It's unfair to pick one, and even if I did I'd probably feel different about it the next day. Or hour.

3. What's the longest distance you've run?
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Right.

4. What is familiar?
My home town. Family. Mates. Comfort food. The smell of a spring day. Weekend routine.

5. What do you count on?
Things never being simple.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Noisy stripper

We've had a noisy stripper on our roof all day today.

Yes, finally the weather took a turn for the better and some real progress was made. The gang were working at the front, but even so the noise of several hundred tiles slipping and sliding onto the scaffold could be heard all over the house, and went on for about an hour and a half.

Followed shortly by the noise of battens being nailed back on over the new felt. This created a serious cleaning up task in the attic room, as just about every clout nail on the ceiling has now popped and showered everything in the room in small pieces of plaster.

Felt a bit sorry for the men at the end of the day, actually. With only a small section left to do, the heavens opened and the rains came down like stair-rods. They must have been drenched within seconds, but having started that final section they had to finish it to make the roof weathertight.

One side to go - but it's the complicated side, since it has 3 Velux windows.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Conveying the tiles

The tiles arrived today, so the target for the day was to transport them all to where the action is. Remember I said you learn a lot watching tradesmen? Apparently you're not allowed to carry this stuff on a hod these days. Health & Safety. The only thing allowed on a ladder is yourself and your tools. Materials have to be conveyed with a crane, an elevator or, as in our case, a nifty little conveyor belt with a small two-stroke engine.

Such a small belt, actually, that had a special stick to support it halfway up. Bless.

When the tiles had all been racked and stacked, the rain started up again, so that was it for progress today. I reckon that's a day-and-a-half lost to weather so far (out of 3).

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Rained off rip off

A day without action on the roof today, as the weather remained determinedly weathery all day. Here's the rear gable, taken from one of the upstairs Velux windows. These give a totally different perspective on the operation.

From ground level the scaffolding, as I've mentioned before, resembles a huge Meccano set. From above, it simply looks like a path around the top of the house. Maybe if I could cope with getting up there in the first place (and down again, of course) I could be a roofer after all! No?

No, you're right. It's a bit physical. I'll stick with hammering a keyboard.

Monday, April 07, 2008

The rip-off begins

With scaffold erection complete (yesterday! Much to the annoyance of my roofer who actually wanted to start last Friday), the stripping off of tiles could start.

Stripping off also entails re-felting and battening so that the roof remains watertight during the whole process (amazing what you learn when you're having work done!) which means when the weather is unpredictable it's prudent to work in small sections, felting as you go. This takes longer, but ensures you aren't stuck with an entire side to felt in the pissing rain.

As it happened, today, the team managed to strip only the front and back gables (or whatever the pointy bits are called) before rain stopped play.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Friday Five

Paul and I attended the "mandatory first night curry" with the Players last night. Only it turned out to be not quite so mandatory after all, with most of the cast and crew crying off having "already eaten" or "thinking they'll go tomorrow." In the end it was an intimate soiree with four of us in total. If Paul & I hadn't come out specifically for the curry it's certain no-one would have bothered. Added to that, owing to the lateness of the hour we had to use the Azad Manzil: the only curry house that will serve after 11pm and even then they were all stood around the till tutting as we left.

When I first came back to Chorlton 8 years ago Azads was a really good meal. Not sure if it's changed hands, but the quality has gone right off. My "chicken madras," while full of large meaty pieces of breast meat, was soused in an indistinguishable bright red sauce that tasted of nothing but hot. Like they'd simply amalgamated whatever sauces they had left over, and splashed in some chilli essence to bring it up to Madras temperature. Disgusting. I won't be going back there. After years of listening to people say how much better Asian Fusion is, having now tried it twice I have to agree. For a local curry, that's my preference from now on.

After an abnormally long outage caused by various trips and computer kerfuffles on the part of my "source" for these Friday Fives (*wink*), here we are again:

1. What song frequently gets stuck in your head?
I don't have a single ear-worm, but I DO remember being told years ago that the way to clear them was to hum the theme from Hawaii Five-O. And it works! For some reason this song doesn't simply replace the one you had stuck and get stuck itself. It's a bit like mental Febreze!

2. Choose one line from a song that sums up your life thus far.
I drove all night, to get to you. Is that alright?

3. Do you have one all-time favorite song (if so, what is it?) or do you skip around?
I skip around, but in a small pool. In common with most people there are songs that evoke particular memories or times in my life that will always be my favourites (even though in some cases they may not be especially "good" songs!). Some that spring to mind, although not because they are necessarily *more* significant - just the ones I can think of right now - are: Seven Seas of Rhye, Have I Told You Lately That I Love You, Samba Pa Ti, Baker Street, anything from T'Pau's Bridge of Spies.

4. How do you listen to music most often (pod, radio, etc)?
At home: MP3s off the PC*. In the car: short journey - radio; long journey - iPod via iTrip Auto FM broadcast.

5. American Idol: fantastic show or overrated?
Love it. Missed the first two seasons but I've been an avid fan ever since and am currently glued to Season 7. Just a shame the results show airs here two days later than in the US, so we have to stay away from online resources to avoid spoilers.

*Stop Press: Since drafting this, I've bought a Logitech MM50 speaker station for my iPod, so I can use that in the house now too :o)

Thursday, April 03, 2008

The Scaffold

No, not the old Liverpudlian crew who did Lily the Pink. *Our* scaffold. For the roof. The erection started yesterday. Imagine that! A two-day erection! Makes your eyes water.

Fascinating watching it go up though. Not a job I'd fancy at all. Once they get going the structure grows by the minute. Reminds me of my old Meccano set.

Since I've still not recovered emotionally from the recent break-in, an unfortunate side-effect of having this framework surrounding the building is that I'm even more nervous now that access to the upper storeys is facilitated by a glorified climbing frame. Fortunately it should only be up for the next two weeks or so.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Abigail's Party


Dress rehearsal for the Players' latest production tonight, so I thought it would be fun for Paul to come along and get snap happy at the same time as I was taking "the production photos." Boy was I glad he agreed.

With new flats in use for the first time, and everyone and their auntie having been "raped" (the Director's phrase) for seventies gear, the set looked really spiffy, and the production as a whole proved to be every bit as hilarious as the BBC One original thirty years ago. Indeed, in keeping with my regular reference to that era on this blog, the reason for staging Abigail's Party was that 2008 marks the thirtieth anniversary of its seminal appearance on the telly.

Without a doubt, the funniest moment for me was when "Ange" (played by Charlotte King) got up to dance with "Lawrence" (played by James Kerr). This girl's comic timing is impeccable, and she totally inhabited the character of Ange. The start of the dance was a pant-wettingly funny moment.

After taking over 200 pix of the event, I flicked over to review some of them before leaving the hall. My camera declared "no valid picture to display." Huh? Unable to work out what was wrong Paul and I returned home, where I discovered the 200+ pictures had been replaced with a single 9MB file with an unpronouncable name, and which Windows refused to move or delete from the memory card. Some sort of corruption had occurred, resulting in the total deletion of everything I had taken. I had to reformat the card from scratch.

Hence why I was so pleased Paul had been there. If not for him, we would have had NO photo record of this cracking production. Thanks, mate! (As a bonus, two of his pix were later published in the local free rag, which gave the production a glowing review)

Only thing is, now I'm worrying when my 2GB memory card will sick up on me again :(

Monday, March 31, 2008

Edinburgh

After a relatively leisurely start and amble over to Edinburgh, we arrived around 11am and found a 4-hour on-street car park in the Grassmarket with its clock set an hour forward, giving us an extra free hour's parking. Bonus!

The first thing to greet us was a complete refurbishment of the street masonry in the area, which proved to be just the first of many construction projects ongoing in the city. Everywhere we looked there were cranes, skips, diggers and workmen busily rebuilding every inch of the place, which made "tourist photography" a bit of a tricky endeavour. Even the Scott Monument (whose 287 steps I had climbed as a boy) was not exempt, its digger apparently in the process of reconstructing the nearby gardens.

We hopped on another city tour bus - fast becoming a feature of this holiday - and enjoyed an hour in the company of a very knowledgeable old gentleman who shared his history of the city with us, and oversaw the transformation of the day from crisp blue skies to cold grey ones. Even so the promised downpour never materialised. Once again we'd lucked out with the weather.

After completing the tour we left the bus at the castle stop. As you might have predicted it's approaching "30 years" since I was last here, and I recognised pretty much none of the Royal Mile, the interior of the castle or its layout. In my defence I plead that my parents took me round so many castles in my childhood and teenage years - often as many as six in a single week - that they've all blended together in my memory.

Conscious of the parking meter, and the need to shop for woollens, we left the castle around 3pm and wound our way back to Grassmarket via the various outlets lining that part of the Royal Mile. The early evening rush hour was only just beginning as we headed out to Peebles where we were to spend the night.

Peebles is a pretty little town. It claims to be Scotland's second favourite tourist town and although I found that hard to believe it certainly has a lot going for it. Especially the excellent haggis on offer in most of the local pubs. I like haggis, but even I don't eat it for dessert as well as main course. Enough said. Another early night - we were all pretty whacked after all the walking around - so I'll leave you with a panorama of the view from Edinburgh castle...

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Tynemouth, Alnwick, Lindisfarne

For our second major (3-day) trip of Paul's visit, we'd planned to spend some time in Edinburgh, travelling up via Alnwick Castle, as I wanted to reacquaint myself with it, having not been there since my age was counted in single figures. The Harry Potter references, though not lost on me, were entirely secondary to the reasons for visiting, especially since everyone knows the majority of Hogwarts is achieved through the miracle of CGI.

So Alnwick was the plan, but we'd decided on a scenic route up the coast starting at Tynemouth, and once you get into the habit of stopping journey plans do seem to go quickly awry. What was intended to be a short stop, by the time you've found somewhere to park, walked about a bit, had a swift half in a local pub with a stunning coastal view, chewed the fat over said half, queued for a pee, etc, you've lost an hour or so. And then there's the Sunday driver factor (which believe me had a *significant* impact on the journey time today), all of which added up to us not getting to Alnwick until around 2.30pm.

To make matters worse the Castle, still operating its out-of-season hours, was due to close at 4pm, so we didn't feel like forking out eight quid a piece to canter round the place in 90 minutes. We had to content ourselves with what we could see from the path (and the small glimpse of the first courtyard which the gatekeeper graciously allowed us), so my 40-year quest for better photos than I could achieve with my old box Brownie still remains unfulfilled.

Casting around for an alternative to Alnwick, it being far too early to head to our designated berth for the evening, we decided on a small detour to Lindisfarne. I have no memory of having visited the Holy Island before, but this time round I have a feeling it will stay with me for a long time. Having consulted the tide tables and proved we'd be safe to cross for at least another four hours, we drove over the causeway and parked up for a wander around the village.

As before the weather was being uncommonly kind to us, but our timing was still slightly out, as we just missed the last bus out to the castle. Once again we had to content ourselves with gazing at the edifice from afar, and checking out at closer quarters the ruins of Lindisfarne Priory.

Feeling slightly frustrated at not being able to see either of our chosen destinations "properly," we decided the whole area was easily worth a visit in its own right, but meanwhile we'd check in at our B&B in Crookham and then walk a little way along the road to dine at the local hostelry.

We received an unexpectedly curt greeting from the barman, especially when food was mentioned, but we forgave him a short while later when we learned the cook had literally walked out 5 minutes before, leaving him totally in the lurch for evening meals. Fortunately, the pub manager had completed a catering course several years previously and stepped into the breach in fine style. His venison steaks with home-made chunky chips were mouthwatering and the desserts were heavenly perfections too. The guy then proceeded to engage us in splendidly entertaining conversation for much of the rest of the evening, totally dispelling the rather frosty reception of a few hours before.

What no-one could explain though, was why Lindisfarne Priory has a statue of Max Branning in its grounds.

The manager's banter was helped by the rather unique names of the beers he was selling, apparently a well-known feature of Northumberland Brewery. Most of us stuck to the Easter Bunny Ale all evening, but Paul was eventually tempted by a pint of Seaman Staines. Something I'm sure he'll not live down for quite a while. If I have anything to do with it.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Hawkwind: Manchester Academy

The mid-point of Paul's trip and the traditional gig. Last year: Pink Fraud. This year: no fraud at all. The real deal. Hawkwind - on their "Christmas Show" which had been postponed from last year for some reason we didn't bother worrying about, but which gave us a chance to see another set of rock legends in the flesh.

Unfortunately the venue - Manchester Academy 2 - is standing only, which for us geriatrics is a challenge given the doors open at 7.30 and the gig wasn't likely to finish until 11pm, but hey. We were up for it.

What we weren't up for was the slightly less than impressive support act: Tribe of Cro. As soon as these guys took the stage you got the distinct impression you were in for something mediocre. What you didn't know was just how mediocre it was going to be. In fact, mediocre is glittering praise for a band who spent most of their set fiddling with their kit as if they had no idea how to work it properly. As one very tall member of the audience was heard to shout at the end of their interminably long and boring second number: "was that your sound check or what? You're fucking crap."

Nikki suggested a better name for them would have been "Pile of Cro" which is quite apposite, given that "crow" is Nottingham slang for bogeys, or lumps of snot.

The drummer and the bassist could have been playing for any band you have ever seen in your life; the former laying down a series of basic beats (the bass part of which ripped out my spine with each single beat) and the latter repeating the same simple riff over and over and over again. So basically we were left with the other two guitarists to create the heart and soul of the music. Dear God. What I will grudgingly call the lead guitarist looked as though he might have been halfway competent except for the fact that we couldn't hear him during the first number, and he spent most of the second number on the floor poking around with his effects buttons. I remember a short interval during the second number when his guitar burst into life. It sounded pretty good, but somehow strangely divorced from anything the other three were doing.

And then there was the other guitarist. The guy who clearly thought he was in charge, and did all the talking. His guitar prowess apparently consisted of a series of attempts to get the instrument to make as many strange noises as he could in as short a time as physically possible. Interspersed with his "lyrics." After the first "number" had mercifully reached its conclusion, he commented that he doesn't usually sing, but had decided tonight he wanted to. Thanks a million. "I have no life, I have no life," he repeated as his first lyric. I won't make the obvious comment. He followed this gem up with "make me a winner; make me a sinner." Well you already scored very highly on that latter item buddy. For sins against music, score a full 100%. As for making you a winner, I fear that is beyond anyone on the planet.

I said the first guitarist sounded like he was playing something else, but in reality pretty much all of them might as well have been on their own for all the coherence they exhibited. Four individual musicians on stage, all playing something totally different, resulting in a cacophonous melee which lasted for their entire, painful, 45-minute set.

Tribe of Cro helpfully preceded their set with news that they've decided to make their latest album available for free download from their website (yes, you guessed it: the album is worth every penny of its download price) and handed out leaflets with their email and web addresses for their many fans. A bunch of them (the leaflets, not the fans. There weren't enough of them present to be referred to as 'a bunch') were screwed up and thrown back onto the stage at the end of their third number. A fitting tribute, I thought.

And so to the main event: Hawkwind. Prior to tonight my sole exposure to this band has been their seminal hit Silver Machine, which I played regularly when I DJ'ed (occasionally) at the UMIST Heavy Disco on Thursday nights during 1976 and 77, and which has formed part of the backdrop of my life pretty much since its release in 1972. Oh yes, and a review of their tour in the local rag that dropped through our door half an hour before we were due to leave for the gig. Whoever wrote it didn't like them much, but I kept an open mind.

And actually, in the end, I enjoyed it. At least the first hour, after which my feet gave out at about the same time as Nikki's and we beat a retreat for the bar through about 1,000 milling, dancing, beer-spilling Hawkwind fans, leaving Paul at the front with his camera and his friend the obnoxious drunken, balding fan who kept yelling for Spirit of the Age ("play Sp'ri Aids") and who lit a cigarette during the concert and proceeded to smoke the entire thing right next to me without anyone (yes, alright, me included) challenging him. Wanker.

So even though I was unfamiliar with all the music, at least it WAS musical - especially when compared to the previous car crash. Clearly, after 35 years, the band know their instruments. Just as clearly, some of them are completely mad. Like the guy (sorry, not being any kind of Hawkwind fan I can't tell you his name) who started each number by waving his hands expertly around his theremin with a wild-eyed squint. And of course, the music is often accompanied by a load of pretentious, pompous claptrap wrapped up as "narrative" to the story the music is telling. If you can cut through that and enjoy the rocky parts of the music for what it is, it's quite entertaining. I wouldn't buy it, but it was worth listening to for an hour, and I appreciate there were a lot of people there tonight who are every bit as ardent Hawkwind fans as I am a Genesis fan. Takes all sorts.

I was glad to get home though. And I don't think I will *ever* get used to watching live performances from rock legends and seeing how damned wrinkly they all are.

Friday, March 28, 2008

London

When Nikki said she'd found a train ticket deal for a day trip to London, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. There was no doubt it was an excellent deal - £16 return for the day compared to the £236 I usually pay to travel down on business - but those last few words held the key to my dilemma. I go down there so often with work (and hate it every time) - how would I feel as a day tripper? Wasn't it going to be a bit of a busman's holiday, even though we were going by train?

I needn't have worried. I didn't have to rush, or leave early, or battle the rush-hour tube, or carry a laptop bag everywhere with me, so the entire trip was much more relaxed and didn't have the slightest resemblance to a work day.

We left Piccadilly on the 9.15 and arrived just before 11.30. Not really having any firm plans for the day (a mistake, as it later turned out) we set off to spend a couple of hours in the Science Museum. This proved a bit disappointing. Parts of it were being refurbished and the rest had been thrown out of kilter by having some exhibits housed in alternative positions. I also found many of the displays - designed for today's youth with their microsecond attention spans - quite unsatisfying to browse, although there were some neat items like the first Cray supercomputer and the original DNA model that Watson and Crick put together.

Emerging from the museum around 1pm and unsure where to head next, we walked around the block through a short shower of rain - the only rain we suffered during the whole day - passing the Albert Hall and then setting off for Kensington to find a place to lunch. Walking down Kensington High Street, we passed Paul Weller - our only celebrity encounter of the day.

Eventually we recognised a few landmarks and ended up at the Lord Moon of the Mall - the Wetherspoons pub at which we had intended to meet up with a bunch of friends several years before but which had been closed back then owing to a bomb scare in Whitehall.

A couple of pints and a sandwich later, we were suitably refreshed and set off again in the general direction of Westminster. When I first visited London - a 17th birthday present from my parents - we had ticked off all the major tourist destinations. Back then this included Downing Street, and we were able to walk right up to the front door of No. 10 and stare into the whites of the eyes of the single London bobby who stood on duty protecting the head of Government.

Clearly the head of Government requires a deal more protection these days. Not only is it impossible to get within 50 feet of No. 10 owing to the road being closed off with several tons of ironwork and automatic barriers that rise silently from the road, but the single bobby has been replaced with an entire squad of armed police in Kevlar vests, sporting automatic rifles.

They smile at the passing tourists, but the smile doesn't quite reach their eyes. I walk past similar barriers, even sturdier and with an even larger police presence, every time I visit Westminster. It's a blight on the London landscape. Do other countries feel the need to protect their PM this way, or is it just rampant paranoia? I don't know, but I can't help feeling that it may all look very impressive, but none of it would stop a determined terrorist with an ounce of sense.

We walked over Westminster Bridge, snapping away at the Eye and the bizarre artwork outside the Dali exhibition, and along the other side of the river (Jubilee Walk is it? Or something) where four strange figures dressed all in silver were standing or sitting motionless except for the breeze-induced flutterings of their monochrome costumes. Every now and then one of them might lean forward unexpectedly to bop anyone who threw change into his pot lightly on the head with a long silver staff. This lady merely sat with her demur smile fixed prettily on her face, holding her hat on against the wind. London in all its mad eccentricity. Top stuff.

Walking back over Jubilee Bridge we stopped for a pint in the Sherlock Holmes before wending our way slowly back to Euston. Here's where our lack of planning really bit home. We arrived at Euston three hours before our scheduled departure time. Not really enough time to pack in any other sightseeing and still feel comfortable about making the train (the dealtime tickets were only valid for the 9.05pm departure), or eat in a fancy restaurant where we couldn't guarantee the speed of service. So we holed up in a bar just around the corner from Euston and then, still with a couple of hours to kill, sat down to a plate of Harry Ramsden's fish, chips and mushy peas in the station caff.

The pre-Summer Time light was fading fast as we walked to the main station entrance on the way to that fine repast. Countless times I've passed through Euston and this was my first chance to take photos. Maybe I should invest in a pocket digital of the kind Nikki uses, and carry it everywhere. Maybe I should turn into a photoblogger. Maybe I should stop stressing about this stuff. Anyway, here's Euston. And there we go - back to Manchester, arriving at 11.29 pm. Footsore and sleepy, but having had a strangely fulfilling experience.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Gunt

Reviewing our photos from our recent 3-day trip I came across this gem. The sight of this sad old cinema as we walked along the sea front at Weston- super- Mare gave us all a fit of the giggles. I thought at first it had started life as The Gaumont and the G had slipped, but a closer examination reveals the original name to have been The Regent. Nowadays however, with an R and two Es missing, it revels in the surreal title The G'nt (which of course simply begs to be pronounced "Gunt").

We spent a breathless few minutes discussing how locals would say "been to the Gunt lately?" or "Coming down the Gunt tonight?" or "what's on at the Gunt this week" etc etc.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Glastonbury

Paul arrived for a visit last Thursday and since he touched down, apart from a few meals out, we've been basically chillin'. For our first "real" holiday event of his trip, we'd booked a couple of nights in Glastonbury, leaving Manchester on Easter Sunday and returning home tonight.

Our journey down was extremely leisurely and took in Weston-super-Mare. As a result, we didn't arrive at our usual accommodation - the Who'd A Thought It inn - until mid-afternoon. This left us just enough time for a brief perambulation up and down the high street before beginning the important business of sinking some holiday ales, starting at that most impressive 15th century coaching inn, the George & Pilgrims, where they had a welcoming fire in the grate and a few pints of Butcombe Bitter to warm us up even further.

We dined the first evening in the Who'd. The food there is always top notch and the company is usually quite amusing too. Easter Sunday was no exception as the bar was occupied by a local wag who proceeded to regale anyone who would listen with countless stories, pausing every now and then to laugh uproariously at his own jokes.

The following day we set off for the Tor (with a small initial detour to a local coffee shop to while away half an hour having just missed the Tor bus) hoping the weather would hold. It did, and the views were magnificent, aided if anything by the wonderful cloud formations we were treated too. Our enjoyment was marred slightly by the grass protection measures the council had put in place. Apparently they removed the concrete slab at the top of the Tor a while back and have been trying to grow grass in its place with little success. Believing this to be due at least in part to the heavy foot traffic, they've erected a utilitarian wooden fence around 50% of the grass, leaving a narrow path around the top between the Tor and the brass directional plaque. This combined with the bitterly cold and blustery winds conspired to curtail our visit to what has in the past, for me, been a deeply spiritual place. On this visit, it seemed devoid of any special feeling. It was just cold and unwelcoming.

We caught the bus back down and around again to Chalice Well and once again, despite (or perhaps because of) this being off-season, this calm quiet place felt strangely bereft of magic. Two of the most powerful sites in what has in the past for me been a compelling and rejuvenating place to visit seemed to be utterly asleep and without energy, but it wasn't only them. The entire town had an aspect of being suspended awaiting the new season. Although many of the familiar crystal and incense shops were still open for business, many others along with cafes and restaurants had not survived the winter doldrums and displayed empty windows to the world, often with bailiffs' notices posted on their doors.

Overall Glastonbury had a sad, depressing feel to it on this visit, totally at odds with the vibrant and energised experience we've enjoyed on all our previous trips. In an effort to inject some buzz into the day, we headed off to Street for some retail therapy at the outlet mall, and a beer or two in the Bear. Many of the high season food choices being denied us (even if only by the unappealingly long walk to the other end of the High Street in the increasingly cold wind) we opted for the George & Pilgrims in which to dine on our last night, and were amazed to find our local colourful character from the previous night had made the same decision.

Today we bade goodbye to the subdued winter version of Glastonbury. I hope to be able to return at a later point in the year the next time we visit and see it thriving once again. Before we arrived this time around we had occasionally entertained the romantic notion of retiring down there amid the crystal gazers, poets and hippies. Having seen the place out of season it doesn't present such an appealing aspect and I think we all revised our opinion of it drastically.

We broke our return journey in Bath, spending an entertaining hour or so on the (open) top of a tour bus, which passed Poultney Bridge - seen here - several times during its convoluted passage around the ancient streets. Having completed the tour, we grabbed a swift pub lunch before heading northwards once again and arriving home shortly after 7pm. For this time of year, the weather had been uncommonly kind to us and we'd crammed a lot in, but we all agreed we were now ready for a couple of days "down" time.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

All keyed up

Nikki found our old house keys this afternoon.

Out for a smoke in the front garden, she saw something glistening in the bushes. The full set, still on its Indian-bead-and-bell keyring. After we forked out £250 to have all the locks changed (insert wry smile and rolling of the eyes here).

No sign of the other two sets though. Which begs some questions:
  1. Were they dropped as the tw@s made their getaway on Thursday morning, and have been lying there ever since?
  2. If (1) is true and we'd found them earlier, would we have felt safe not changing the locks?
  3. Were they discarded more recently, after said tw@s had returned to try them in the door?
  4. If (3) is true, how did they know the set they threw away would have been the right set?
It's all very mysterious. Not to mention irritating. Nice to have the keyring back though. I missed its tinkly little bell. Make no mistake though...we won't be keeping any keys on a rack by the door from now on.

Friday, March 14, 2008

A burglar disturbs me

Funny, but I thought I was coping alright yesterday.

Most of the day was taken up with hanging around waiting for, or actually dealing with, people connected in one way or another with the break-in. SOCO; the locksmith (who doubled up as the boarder-upper); the window guy who is going to make and fit something a little more secure and less easy to chisel out; the police returning to take a full statement.

Nikki had stayed at home for mutual moral support, and also in case SOCO needed elimination prints, so we spent a relatively busy day coping with all that, and trying to get some work done at the same time.

As the day slowed down into evening and the evening, in turn, wore on, I became aware of a growing feeling of unease. Starting with a faint fluttering in the tum, and graduating into a tight feeling in the chest via an inability to concentrate on the TV we were watching and faint nausea. I soon realised what it was. I didn't want to go to bed. I didn't want to risk falling asleep and waking up again with someone trying to break in.

Completely irrational, of course. For a start they'll be long gone by now. Even if they intended to come back and try the keys they nicked, they'll give it a few days. Secondly with the window boarded up, any further attempts to break in will be a lot noisier. And lastly, I'd worked out a way of making it impossible to open the cloakroom door from the inside. At least, without destroying the door. So I was able to tell myself, intellectually, that we were more secure than we had been.

Didn't help though.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

I disturb a burglar

Thank God for those night-time pees. On returning to bed around 3am this morning after one such visit, I heard a strange tapping sound. Now this old house has a variety of creaks, pops, murmurs and whistles that took quite a lot of getting used to when we first moved in, but this was a noise I hadn't heard before. I pricked up my ears and lay there in the dark, listening.

Tap, tap. Pause. Tap. Pause. Weird. I thought at first it was the cat flap, but it's never that loud, or that persistent. Then I wondered whether it was the high wind we'd had last night. Everything went quiet for a time, so I turned over. Tap, tap. And then another noise. Louder this time and even more unusual. No, something definitely needed investigating.

I stopped by the spare bedroom to see if I could see anything outside that could be causing the noise, but all appeared normal so I proceeded downstairs in the dark. The memory of this gives me shivers now. Not only would I not have been able to see any potential attacker very clearly, but worse, I was only wearing a pyjama top. Mind you, that would have been enough to scare them off! Anyway I peeked into the kitchen (nothing) and the lounge and dining room (nothing - although I wasn't expecting to find anything in there - if they'd tried to go in they'd have tripped the alarm). It was then I noticed the downstairs toilet door was open and there was a helluva draft coming through it. Sure enough the leaded window had been removed from the frame. The tapping I'd heard had been the chiselling away of the putty.

Whoever it was, and they must have been very small and skinny to get through that window, can literally only have been in the house a few seconds. When they heard me coming downstairs I presume they dived back out of the window so I never actually had to confront them. My initial scouting having revealed no missing property, the only other thing worrying my "3am I've just woken up" head was how to secure the house and get back to bed. I rooted out and fitted two strong bolts to the inside of the loo door, fastened them, and decided to leave the rest until a more reasonable hour (i.e. after daybreak).

Who was I kidding? Nikki and I lay there for almost an hour talking about whatifs and whatdowedonows so finally around 4.30am we got up and made ourselves a pot of coffee. It wasn't until we were on our way back upstairs with our coffees that I noticed all the keys on the keyrack were missing. When Nikki checked her purse, all her cash had been taken too.

All things considered though, we were lucky. When you realise what had not been taken that probably would have been if I hadn't disturbed them. Even my car keys were still lying on the hall table undisturbed, although the police later told us that was probably because the perp was too young to drive!

Still, it's bad enough. We have to have all the locks changed and so do the owners of the other sets of keys. Plus boarding up of the window in advance of getting a more secure unit made and fitted. And of course, when you take into consideration the insurance excess, loss of NCD and increased premiums, in the end it's probably not going to be worth putting in a claim.

When the police arrived to "take down our particulars" they asked if there's any CCTV footage. The answer, sadly, is no although I've since considered fitting it. In the end though, does that send out the wrong message? With the outside of the property bristling with cameras doesn't it simply say "there's summat here worth nicking"? A colleague of mine suffered a spate of burglaries over 2-3 years and each time he increased his security measures they managed to defeat them. He ended up with a full alarm system, CCTV, bars on all the downstairs windows and reinforced doors, and they still got in. I reckon all you can do is secure the perimeter (the window they took out was the only one without a sensor) and hope it's enough discouragement.

Something the SOCO man said as he was dusting for prints (as predicted, they wore gloves), is it was probably a kid sent in by older scrotes specifically to collect keys so they can come back later and do a proper job. I think that's the scariest part of all.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Seven years on

As I mentioned last time, I finished the third draft of my novel recently. It's been a work in progress since 2001 and during that time there's been a deal of progress in the rest of the world too.

Nothing brought this home to me more than when re-editing the first chapter today. The main character connects to the Internet using a modem! LOL! Remember them? Seven short years ago, that was the way 99% of us got our online fixes and the scene in my novel was graphically descriptive of the process. Today? It reads like something out of the museum. I don't really want to set the story in the year 2000, or 2001, so that small part is desperately in need of a rewrite. Do you know anyone who still uses a modem for their net connection? Exactly.

Luckily it's just two sentences ;o)

Friday, March 07, 2008

Novel news

Take a look at the top of the page. You know, that bit where it says I'll be writing about writing. That's a big LOL isn't it? I've hardly done any of that since I started this blog. That is, either writing about writing, or simply writing.

About a week ago I revisited the folder where my novel sits and I was horrified to see I hadn't touched it since this time last year. Almost. The most recent change was 21 March 2007. OK since then we've had the computers in the dining room for three months while the study was refurbished, I've delivered a major new government computer system, we've entertained various houseguests for varying lengths of time, but yanno these are all excuses when it comes down to it.

So with newfound enthusiasm, right there and then I picked up where I'd left off: in the middle of the third draft (i.e. second re-write) at chapter 7 of 20.

And today I finished it.

Now I must admit when I started draft #3 I expected it to be the last time through, but having finished it I think there's still some polishing I can do. Maybe I should do the next one on paper rather than on the screen, but at 584 pages that's a lot of printing. No, I'll stick to screen for this one and see how I go. It's looking good though, even if I do say so myself. Especially the last half, when the action really kicks in. Believe it or not I was on the edge of my seat, and I know what happens!! That's what a year's perspective can do for you I guess (he says, looking for the silver lining ;o)).

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Jodrell Bank shocker

Couldn't believe my ears this morning, driving back from taking Nikki to work. Jodrell Bank, Britain's iconic radio telescope, is under threat of closure after the Science and Technology Facilities Council cut funding for the Merlin array. Merlin, a linked network of 7 radio telescopes across the UK, has an effective aperture of 217km and a resolution slightly higher than that of the Hubble Space Telescope.

So even though it was 50 years old last year, it's no slouch in the rapidly moving world of radio astronomy. Now all this is at risk because of funding problems. And how much money are we talking about? Must be significant, right? I mean if the government is trying to save money, it must be SERIOUS money. Think of all the billions they're pouring into pointless wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Come on, how much money will they save by sacrificing the most well-known and instantly recognisable piece of scientific equipment in the entire country?

£2.5million.

Yep, you read that right. Two and a half million quid. There's probably as much as that rattling around in the expenses funds of our politicians, but you'll never know - they don't have to submit receipts.

What makes this even more ironic is that Jodrell Bank has just been completely refurbished, and the Merlin network itself upgraded in a project to install fibre-optic cables that has only recently finished, and would have allowed the array to process vastly more data than it could before. Closing the array down now means all that money - still PUBLIC money of course - will be wasted before any benefit has been gained.

When I worked in Kidsgrove I could look out from my desk across the fields to Jodrell Bank. When the dish of the Lovell telescope was in the right orientation it would catch the sun and gleam at me through the haze. An other-worldly reminder of the world-leading research that went on there every day. If we're to lose this awe-inspiring talisman then it's a sad day indeed, and another nail in the coffin of British science and engineering.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Such clever packaging, but...

It always amuses me how some things can be astonishingly well done and yet others just aren't *quite* right.

Take for instance packaging. Over the last few years we've done a fair amount of shopping online and the ingenuity of the packaging for books, DVDs and small items of electronic equipment has been getting better all the time.

On the other hand, recently for one reason or another I've been eating a lot of Muller Lite yoghurts, and being irked by that little trough around the base of the carton from which it is inordinately difficult to extract the last vestiges of yoghurt. This is particularly annoying when compared to the sides of the pot, which are uniformly curved and smooth, and take the edge of a spoon perfectly, leaving behind hardly a trace of yoghurt and, therefore, wasting none.

Surely, I think as I dig around in the trough for the last spoonful, it would not be *that* hard to design a pot that had a flat base on the outside, but a totally smooth bottom on the inside? Answers, as always, on a postcard.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

The annual Chinese meal

Not that we only have a Chinese meal once a year, but once a year we make a kind of pilgrimage to a fabulous cozy little pub in a South Notts village about 20 minutes drive from my home town, where the landlord puts on a Chinese banquet on a Saturday night. Single sitting, one night a week, and it's so popular that he's booked up almost a year in advance.

It's been a "mates tradition" for about five years, but we haven't been able to go for a couple of years owing to the usual October date for the meeting clashing with family obligations. Last year, for various reasons, the meal didn't happen in October, which fortunately for us meant that we could attend the rescheduled event today.

Things got off to a bad start when, after half an hour of waiting at the top of the road in a sub-zero howling gale, Ian called to say he thought the bus driver had forgotten his booking. He was checking up with them, and would call me back. After some debate we decided not to bother with taxis, walked back down the road and used my car.

Arriving at the pub much later than usual, we only just about had time to buy the first round before being bundled upstairs to the dining room. This too put a dampener on things as we usually have about an hour to relax with the first drink and catch up with everyone's news. Almost before we knew where we were (and only a few minutes after the last of the party had arrived) it was straight in to dim sum.

In years gone by we've had to remember to not totally pig out on the dim sum and starter courses, because there would be an enormous supply of crispy duck and mains to follow. This year the crispy duck was replaced by a rather strange concoction in a hemispherical lettuce leaf, and the mains seemed fewer and with less variety than I remember. Not only that, but the quality greatly inferior to what it had been last time we came. All was explained when the organiser came to collect the shekels - we'd been on "the cheap" menu tonight.

As if that weren't bad enough, we were treated to the sight of one of our other table guests, who was suffering from a really bad cold-cum-chest-infection, sneezing into his hands, examining the contents, wiping his hands on the tablecloth and then proceeding to hand out coffee cups to everyone which he had picked up by sticking his fingers inside them. Ewwww.

Just goes to show that not every social occasion we attend is a rip-roaring success, and it's been a long time since an evening totally bombed, so maybe we were overdue. Still, it was nice to catch up with mates - we haven't seen them since November - so the evening wasn't a complete disaster.